May 18, 2021 (Edward J. Barr) – A recent dispute between the demon of the United States and the demon of China created more turmoil in hell (see “The Devil travels to China”). After being banished to the underworld the demon of the US went on a rampage attacking any fiend that he felt was supporting the demon of China. The devil relished the chaos. When the demon of the US asked for a trial to clear his bad name, he readily agreed, hoping it would further the hatred he so enjoys spreading.
The Devil outlined the trial procedures. The demon of China would serve as the prosecutor. The jury would consist of the demons of the G-7 countries, minus the defendant. 6 jurors. The Devil would serve as presiding judge. He would be the deciding vote if there was a tie. He was always the deciding vote in hell. The issue at hand was simple. Would the demon of the United States be reinstated in that role, or would be banished to the lowest rung of hell, where he would be tortured for eternity?
On the day of the trial, hell was in a unique uplifting fury. Either the accuser or the accused would face a terrible fate. For just as the demon the US could be banished to the lower regions of hell forever, so could the demon of China, if he loses the case. The Devil thought that appropriate. Either way pain and suffering will be the result of the trial. The demon of China’s opening statement mirrored his attack that caused the Devil to send the demon of the US to hell during their visit to China (see “The Devil travels to China”) after the Devil’s initial positive experience attending Mass earlier this year (see “The Devil came to Mass this weekend”). He argued that the demon of the US has not done enough to promote the demonic kingdom on earth. A cacophony of howls and screeches shook the underworld as each demons’ supporters raged in anger. Only the Devil’s pounding of his gavel brought quiet to the courtroom. The demon of the US stood up and looked toward the entrance of the fiery courtroom. “I call my defense attorney, Ba’al.” Shrieks and howls grew louder as the famed demon appeared in their midst, materializing from the flames that blanket the abode of the damned, “Well played,” thought the Devil. “An excellent choice.”
Ba’al outlined his defense to the jurors. “The defense will show that my client has performed admirably as the demon of the US. You must be missing a brain or extraordinarily stupid to think otherwise.” The demon of China seethed. He jumped up from his seat at the prosecution table and started toward Ba’al. The Devil quickly raised his left arm in the air to restrain the China demon from attacking the defense attorney. “Continue.” Ba’al expanded his appearance to an enormous size and stared down at the demon of China. “Bring. It. On!” he bellowed. The Devil smiled with his crooked grin. “This is working out better than I planned,” he chuckled to himself.
The prosecution brought out facts to demonstrate that evil is much more widespread in China than in the United States. More abortions, more persecution, more government control, and a formal policy of atheism. It was all true but didn’t directly address the issue. The Devil saw that the jurors looked bored. The demon of China was oblivious. He knew he was correct in his attack, and thought the jurors did too. He would have no problem winning the case. He finished his screed and confidently turned to Ba’al. “Counselor.”
The historic demon again grew to gigantic size, bowed to the jurors and the judge, and then returned to an equal dimension. “Unlike the prosecution, I will present only facts. Facts that are relevant to the assignment my client was given. As you know, the United States is not China, which has never recognized the oneness of our enemy. The US was founded with a Christian nature, establishing the Judeo-Christian heritage we all despise. It is enshrined in their Constitution, and all of the founders were believers. Every state constitution references our enemy. At its start nearly 100% of the citizens were Christian. Thanks to the efforts of my client, the situation has changed.” The demon of China scowled. “What garbage.” He folded his half-decomposed arms, slouched down, and stared as Ba’al continued his defense.
“I bring into evidence the Pew Research Center polls, and a recent article entitled “In US, a decline of Christianity continues at a Rapid Pace.” The demon of China unfolded his arms and sat up. “The Church is shedding members thanks to my client’s hard work. He helped create a group called “nones” that have nothing to do with religion. They are the fastest-growing group and offer no challenge to our efforts. They believe that they can decide what is right and wrong, and don’t care about moral choices since everyone goes to heaven.” The Devil smiled. “Brilliant! Both the defense and the strategy that created the “nones”. Ba’al pointed at the jurors for emphasis. “That nearly 100% of believers is down to only 73% that claim to be Christians. Many of those are no different than the “nones.” My client has done even greater harm to our most significant adversary, the Catholic Church. In 1955 75% went to Mass weekly, in 2005 45%, and now maybe 30% That’s about the same amount that understands their savior is truly present in the Eucharist.” He stood back and let his words sink in. The jurors looked impressed. The demon of China started to shake. “Think about it. We know He is present in the Eucharist, but they don’t!”
The Devil was pleased. He knew the demon of the US was one of his best but hadn’t looked at all the details that Ba’al presented. He was ready to conclude the trial when Ba’al spoke. “Your honor, I would like to bring Molech to the witness stand.” The Devil waited a couple of minutes until the screams of horrifying disgust and pleasure simmered down. “Make it so.” The howls again began as a contorted and smarmy demon slithered to the witness stand. Drips of blood ran down his face. He flecked chunks of rotten meat off his arm. “What is your expert opinion of my client’s work?” The epitome of child sacrifice smiled. “Superb,” he said, splattering spittle in the direction of the demon of China. “He took a faithful Christian nation and has turned it into a godless group of competing interest groups. He has perverted their view of right or wrong. Even better, most now don’t even believe there is a right or wrong. He was able to manipulate the culture to accept abortion, and now it is seen as health care. They call child sacrifice “reproductive rights.” I couldn’t have done better.” The jurors’ bloodshot eyes opened wide. Molech’s testimony thundered across hell.
The Devil held both arms up. “Enough. No more testimony. We have enough evidence to render a verdict.” The demon of China jumped up. “My closing statement! My closing statement! I am not done!” The demonic courtyard railed insults on him. “You are done! You are sooooo done.” The eerie chant echoed through hell; even the lower demons joined in, knowing they would soon have another colleague in their depths. The Devil joined in the chant as the volume shook the courtroom. The demonic host started to close in on the demon of China. The verdict had been rendered. He thrashed uncontrollably. “My closing statement! My closing statement!” The President. The President.” The Devil reviled in the disorder. Then he bellowed over the uproar. “This is my closing statement. To the worms you shall go, never to rise again.” The voices subsided for a moment. The demon of China was no more in their midst. Then howls of demonic glee began again. The Devil was content. We’ll get to that Catholic President later. “Reinstate him,” he bellowed. Then the demon of the US returned to Washington.
Edward J Barr is a Catechist, an attorney, an intelligence officer, a Marine, and a university faculty member. He earned a Master of Theology degree from the Augustine Institute. Mr. Barr is a contributing writer for the Roma Locuta Est blog (www.RomaLocutaEst.com)