The Devil Sues Jesus

November 23, 2021 (Edward J. Barr) – {Note: This is a quasi-fictional yet potentially predictive account of action that could be taken against the Church. It follows the most recent account of the Devil’s actions in the world, when Satan called for his lawyers.  They have responded.} 

In an unprecedented action, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear oral arguments in the discrimination case that has been working its way through federal courts since its filing in the 9thCircuit in San Francisco.  The original plaintiff is a member of the Church of Satan who claims that Jesus and His representative on earth, the Catholic Church, and its representative in the US, the US Council of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), have denied his future entry into heaven based on his sexual orientation.  Court observers had believed that Satan v. USCCB would never make it to the Supreme Court given the vagueness of the remedy, entry into heaven.  It appears the growing notoriety of the case and the desire for clarity by entrenched interests on both sides has led to the acceptance of the decision by the Court.

The plaintiff alleges that the teaching of Jesus Christ and his church prohibits his entry into heaven solely due to his being homosexual.  His attorneys pushed for the Supreme Court to review the case based on several settled cases, including Bostock v. Clayton County.  In that case the court ruled that the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which makes it illegal for employers to discriminate because of a person’s sex, also covers sexual orientation.   

An intricate agency theory was skillfully employed by the plaintiff’s attorneys.  They used Church magisterial teachings, the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), and Vatican pronouncements over the centuries to support its theory that Jesus was violating US law.  In lower court proceedings the plaintiff forced the defendant to stipulate that Jesus was God, that He held the keys to eternal life, that He gave those keys to the apostle Peter, that the Pope maintains that authority, and that the USCCB is under the Pope’ authority.   The Church also agreed that the bible and the CCC teach that sodomy is a mortal sin, and that mortal sin precludes entrance into heaven.  Furthermore, the USCCB affirmed that it was bound by the teaching of Jesus and the Vatican, and that it was in essence, Jesus Christ’s representative in the US.

A harsh attack was made against biblical teaching by the plaintiffs, most notably the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis.  Plaintiff attorneys linked the Old and New Testaments as creating a pattern of discrimination by offering evidence that early negativity against homosexual acts revealed in Genesis also appears in 2 Peter, Romans, and Jude.  The use of the term “sodomites” in 1 Kingswas also highlighted as demonstrating deep and continual Church hostility toward homosexuals.  CCC paragraph 2357 concerning homosexuality and the writings of St. Pope John Paul II under the term “theology of the body” also appeared to sway lower courts.  

In an ironic twist, the USCCB tried to undercut the plaintiff’s theory by asserting that the Church is not in agreement with the statements of its founder and its own documents.  It focused mainly on Pope Francis and recent actions of his pontificate.  The defense noted the Pope blessed a gay couple in July 2015 and was named the Person of the Year by the LGBT magazine The Advocate.  They included the noted Papal quote, “If a person is gay and seeks God and has good will, who am I to judge?” More recently, in the 2020 documentary Francesco the Pope expressed support for same-sex civil unions.  In addition, it was noted that prominent Pro-LBGT priest James Martin was appointed to the Vatican Secretariat for Communications.  The defense furthermore stated that several senior US based Catholic prelates have issued strong pro-LGBT statements, among them Cardinal Joseph Tobin, Archdiocese of Newark, NJ, Archbishop John C. Wester, Archdiocese of Santa Fe, NM, Bishop Robert McElroy, Diocese of San Diego, CA. Those three were part of a group of eight bishops who partnered in the past with a pro-homosexual advocacy group, the Tyler Clementi Foundation.  

The Biden Administration, The Southern Poverty Law Center, and Planned Parenthood all submitted Amicus Curie briefs in support of the devil’s cause of action.  

Edward J Barr is a Catechist, an attorney, an intelligence officer, and a Marine. He earned a Master of Theology degree from the Augustine Institute. Mr. Barr is a contributing writer for the Roma Locuta Est blog (www.RomaLocutaEst.com)


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